who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
