textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
