WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
