I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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