New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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