a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
