yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
