I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
