2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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