I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
