Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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