1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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