forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
