she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
