Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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