i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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