fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
