I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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