Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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