He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
