do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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