Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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