We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
