WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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