The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
