i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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