You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
