There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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