my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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