My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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