Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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