I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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