He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
