I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My penis needs a shock collar
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
