In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
cat food counts as protein by the way
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
