Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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