I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
