Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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