is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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