he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
