i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
