We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
