mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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