the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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