So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
