I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
