Where is the hickey?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
