Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
