Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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