dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
