you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
