Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
