Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
