She even gives head with a lisp.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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